I was watching that Davina McCall doing a five hundred mile
cycle, swim and run for Sports Relief and I was so taken with her persistence,
courage, endurance and fortitude that I thought to myself I too am going to
sacrifice my own health and well-being in order to help those less fortunate
than me in far flung countries! So I decided that I would do a sponsored date
an escort odyssey. The idea was a simple one, I would spend time with as many
escorts as I could and my friends would foot the bill. Anything left over after
the cost of champagne and cigs was accounted for would go to a good cause. Now
you can’t say fairer than that.
I have to be honest: I wasn’t all that impressed with the
initial response I received from my mates. I even had to shut down my ‘sponsor
a sensual massage with a stunning escort’ Facebook page. People can be so mean!
There I was putting my body on the line in order to bring a little sunshine
into the life of someone in an African village and all I was getting was
negativity and abuse! It was almost enough for me to lose faith in human
nature! But, having watched another five minutes of Davina crying I decided
that I shouldn’t give up and so I recruited a close friend of mine who works as
an escort – her name is Anna Marie and my word is she a hot piece! – and asked
her to approach my friends instead. The response was phenomenal. Granted they
thought that they would be spending time with Anne Marie when they coughed up
but all’s fair in love, war and charity work as far as I’m concerned and anyway
I wasn’t to be denied, I was a man on a mission.
Unfortunately I soon realised that I hadn’t included hotel
costs in my calculations and I was sorely disappointed when I approached
several well-known establishments in the area and suggested that they might
want to provide a penthouse suite in order for me to go through the ordeal of
several sensual and sexy massages in a marathon of teasing and pleasing and
they rejected my kind offer! Can you belive it? They would have received no end
of publicity for a mere few hundred quid. I would have gladly dropped the
demand for champers and room service if only they hadn’t hung up the phone on
me so quickly!
There was nothing for it but to use my own place. Well, when
I say my own place I mean my best mates place. He’s away on holiday at the
moment and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, if he knew the good
deed he was sponsoring he would probably have gladly offered me the contents of
his fridge. I do like a drop of that Spanish stuff, don’t you? And the Chablis
went down a treat with the girls though he let me down only having half a dozen
bottles to hand. I’ll have to speak to him about that. Once he calms down.
And the evening? A sexy success! I can’t wait for Comic
Relief.
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